Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Love the App
The excitement was written all over my face. I ran upstairs to get ready for a Facebook Live, and I shared our family’s progress while beaming with pride. We had figured it out! We were going through our daily routines without meltdowns, nagging, and frustration. We were using an app called Choiceworks to set up a visual schedule, and this made our lives so much easier!
I cheered as I watched parents sharing and reacting to the videos, but when I sat down to write about it here, a little part of me wondered: what are people going to think about this? Am I going to seem like a totally incompetent parent, using technology just to have a conversation with my kid?
Why would I have trouble communicating?
Ok, I get that. It does seem like I should be able to expect my child to pay attention to me, to answer a simple question, to just follow instructions and routines. Why would I have any trouble at all, if my children have been well-brought up, and trained to be respectful of authority? Why don’t I just use a louder voice or repeat myself?
Cutting through the chaos
On the other hand, maybe you’re in exactly the same boat. Maybe your kids also have trouble staying focused and they burst out with interruptions and topic changes before you can even finish a sentence. Maybe your kids are also incredibly imaginative and just so excited about the possibilities in life that it’s hard to nail anything down to just one thing. Maybe your kids also have difficulty with the whole idea of “later” or can’t seem to remember a list for more than a minute, so whenever you’re trying to plan, the whole family starts bickering and complaining.
Communication with patience and respect
For us, visuals have been a game-changer. Just last Sunday afternoon, we used the Choiceworks app to set up a list of activities to get out the door in time to go swimming. My son was excited to crack open his new library book, and asked me to read it to him. I hesitated. We didn’t have time to fit it in before the next activity, but I remembered that when I say “no” to a favourite activity, that’s often when my son shouts, screams, throws things, or hits.
I also remembered the visual schedule, so I said: “Well, I don’t see books on our schedule right now. Want to add it?” He was completely calm as I handed him visual schedule on the iPad. He selected “read books” and added it to the bottom of the list, then handed the iPad back to me. There seems to be something about a visual schedule that makes “deferred gratification” much less painful.
Don’t fear the screen
Whatever your situation, there’s no reason to feel guilty about using an app to make your life easier. If you use a calendar or a GPS on your phone, then you already know how technology can keep you on track. Anything that makes your day smoother and helps your children to be more independent is worth doing. Anything that brings you more opportunities to be positive and cheer your children on, instead of nagging, reminding, threatening, and warning… who wouldn’t say yes to this?
The magic of these apps isn’t just the fact that they are on a shiny screen. There are some underlying reasons why they work so well!
- Visuals organize information, and make complex things a little simpler. This is especially important for children who have a diagnosis of autism or ADHD. Simply delivering information out loud doesn’t always get the best results for children with limited “working memory.”
- Visuals boost independence. If your child gets confused or off-track, the visual is there to come back to, so you don’t have to hover or nag.
- Visuals shine a spotlight on the key information. They give your child a focal point, especially for children who tend to get distracted easily, or who get overwhelmed by too many possibilities.
- Visuals make boring things a little more exciting. This really helps spark attention and bring a little fun to the same-old-same-old routines. For kids with ADHD, a little novelty can make a huge difference in their performance.
- Visuals can help avoid emotional outbursts. If your child has a hard time waiting for a fun activity, or being told “later,” visuals can be very reassuring. If your family struggles with decision-making or remembering consistent routines, a visual schedule can help you relax because it’s all there laid out for you.
If your child needs some help with listening, planning or waiting, visual schedules can make daily life so much easier.
If you want to save time and energy to focus on the moments that matter, and you are ready to stop fighting epic battles over things like getting shoes on or brushing teeth, that doesn’t make you a lazy parent. You’re figuring out how you child learns best, and setting up each day for success.
Here’s how we figured it out:
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