My child won’t play alone!
This is a tough one. Children can be really powerful advocates for themselves, and we can’t force them to learn to play alone. We can, however, make it a little easier. I’ve written these sanity-saving tips to teach your child to play independently (so you can get a break from pushing Mr. Chicken off a ledge or rescuing Marshall the Fire Dog from the dragon for the umpteenth time…)
You will learn these three strategies, which you can use separately or together:
- Set the scene
- Think like a kindergarten teacher
- Get time on your side
Set the scene
Help your child get their imagination fired up, and then let them carry on!
- Ask questions like “Ok, what are you playing? What will the firefighter do next? What can this pony do?”
- Be a little boring, be a little stubborn, and gradually try to do less and less.
- Stay nearby, and watch to see if your child can carry on independently. I recommend the “Oh, this princess needs to go to sleep!” or the “Oh dear, this car is out of gas,” to gracefully extract yourself from the play.
Think like a kindergarten teacher
A daycare or kindergarten classroom is inviting and fun to explore. With some planning and organizing, you can set your child up for success!
- There are lots of great ideas on Pinterest, but skip the fancy crafts or you will end up spending all your time setting up and giving instructions.
- Speaking of Pinterest, if you can tolerate a mess or you have access to an outdoor space, set up some sensory activities like slime or water play so you can let your child explore.
- Bins or busy-bags are self-contained activities can help your child get involved in activities independently. They can be closed-ended and satisfying to complete, or open-ended and fun to play over and over again! Try both, and see what your child enjoys most.
- The bins or bags can even include instructions or examples so you don’t have to explain the activity to your child.
- Make sure to start with very easy activities so your child can jump in and explore without frustration.
Get time on your side
A timer can help both you and your child to keep stretching out that independent play!
- First of all, use the timer to see how long your child can play. Measure a few times to get a rough average. It might be longer or shorter than you think! This is your starting point so you will know if you are making progress.
- Unfortunately, we often forgot to appreciate our children when they play independently (God forbid we interrupt them) and we miss an opportunity to actually encourage that behaviour!
- When our children STOP playing independently, that’s when they tend to get the most attention and interaction, so a timer can help to remind you to give a gentle smooch on the top of their heads, or even jump in and play, if that’s what your child would like! We want the best outcome to follow the best performance.
- Use the timer to measure some INTENSE 1-1 time! This might be tickles, songs, books, or anything else that gives your child your undivided attention. If you are reminding yourself throughout the day to include that time, then you may see more cooperation when you ask for a minute to yourself. If you are already taking this time and you can’t seem to extract yourself, the timer can help your child understand when it’s time to stop!
- Prepare your child: “Let’s have some tickle time, then I will go get dinner ready. Want to help me set the timer?” or “I would love to read you some books! When we are done, you will have some by-yourself time. What activity would you like to play?” Offer choices, work as a team, and make sure your child knows that the independent play has a limited time too! Start with very short periods, and then praise! Gradually set your timer for 30 seconds longer until your child is comfortable playing independently for a period that’s appropriate for his/her age.
I hope all these tips are helpful! Tying them all together are some classic behavioural strategies:
Make sure the behaviour you want to see pays off!
Start small and build up slowly!
Give reminders before you start to boost your chance of success!
Pick one strategy from this list, and see what happens! If you see an improvement, stick with it for a while! If it stops working, try the next strategy and switch things up. Your child is developing and growing every day, and these techniques can give both you and your child a helping hand when it comes to independent play.