If your child gives up quickly, you might be tempted to jump in and help.
When you help, it puts an end to the flailing and wailing, and it seems like a kindness and a relief to both of you. However, if you want to send the message “I believe in you!” or “You can do this!” then it’s important to put the brakes on this compassionate impulse.
Here are four action steps you can take (plus one bonus!)
When in doubt, take data!
- This might seem weird, but just for a start, it’s something to keep you busy, and less tempted to just jump in and take over. Sit back. Observe. What’s really going on here? We’re all a bit terrible at measuring time, so using a timer (just like the one on your phone) will help you see EXACTLY what your current situation is, so you will be able to predict when your child is most likely to give up!
Finding the bright side…
- Once you’ve measured, you can use this in a few different ways. First of all, you can use this information to offer appreciation. “I see that you tried and tried for 18 seconds! That feels like a long time, doesn’t it!”
- You can also use your timer to find out whether your child is able to try for longer before they give up. You can even set mini-goals together. “Can you make it until 2 minutes this time? Let’s try!”
Catch them being good!
- If your child tends to give up, collapse in defeat, or explode with frustration and you know how long it usually takes, you can JUMP IN before it happens! Let’s say the meltdown happens after around five minutes of homework… why not set the timer for 4 minutes? Then you can stop and check in with your child, and catch them being good!
- Here’s your script: “You are doing an amazing job. Want to take a break now, or are you okay to keep going?” This helps to “reset” their frustration before they give up, so you can get more progress without a meltdown. Then set the timer for 4 minutes again, and gradually increase!
Use visuals for victory!
If your child is easily overwhelmed by frustration and anxiety, you can help them celebrate the little “wins” along the way with a visual!
- A tagulator is a cute and customizable way to keep track of points.
- A jar can keep track of points and build up toward an encouraging reward!
- Lego blocks can make a tower of power! Stack a block for every time the timer rings to celebrate the fact that they didn’t give up!
- The trick to all these visuals is that they measure accomplishment. Don’t wait for the meltdowns. Acknowledge that hard work in little steps, before the volcano erupts!
BONUS TIP: Think Growth Mindset
- If you’re not familiar with the Growth Mindset, I wrote about it here. It’s a way of teaching your child to get comfortable being a little bit uncomfortable, because that’s how we grow