Look children! Values! Let us learn some.
I’m a behaviourist, so what am I doing, trying to write about values? Aren’t they abstract, airy-fairy things, and thus out of my realm? Aren’t they impossible to teach to children who are non-verbal or who have developmental delays? Let’s go ahead and test these theories…
Values = Behaviour
What if values are a way of prioritizing certain behaviours, and identifying which behaviours are going to be rewarded? What if each value could be translated into a set of real-life, measurable outcomes?
I often start a conversation about values with the families I work with, because I want to target behaviours that are really important for that family. For example, if a family is deeply concerned about respect, or they are very sensitive to the importance of kindness, then those related behaviours should be pretty high on the priority list, because that will deliver the most satisfaction and happiness to the family as a whole.
Why teach values to children?
There are always going to be rules, dos and don’t, but as a parent, you have an advantage when you teach values: first of all, you are focusing on the positive. It’s so much easier, so much more joyful, to build up than to tear down. Also, you are helping children see the way their behaviour is understood within the family and the world, instead of just how it pays off right here and right now. In the long run, we want these values to be made up of sets of behaviours that generalize (they happen in new situations, with new people, with and without adult supervision.) The sooner we start teaching, the better, right?
Making the connection
It’s not always easy to express a value in really concrete terms, but fortunately, that’s my jam, so I’ll spend the rest of this post showing you how…
As an example, I grabbed the 10 monthly Character Development themes used by the Toronto District School Board, and I’ll try to translate each of them into “behavioural” goals in a school setting. I’ll limit myself to three each, but there are so many more that could be added!
September – Respect
- Follow instructions from your teachers
- Ask permission before taking something that doesn’t belong to you
- Raise your hand before talking in a group
October – Responsibility
- Pack your own backpack
- Tidy up your locker without a reminder
- Write your homework assignments in your agenda
November – Empathy
- Label how you are feeling
- Label how other people are feeling
- Label how someone might feel in a story
December – Kindness & Caring
- Notice and label positive behaviour around you
- Help your friends when they ask
- Offer what you have to someone in need
January – Teamwork
- Cheer for your teammates!
- Work on tasks that help your team
- Suggest a solution if your team gets into trouble
February – Fairness
- Take turns (take the same amount of time as others)
- Offer something to your friends, and divide it equally
- When you hear about an unfair situation, suggest a solution
March – Honesty
- Talk about a time when honesty is important
- Look around, and notice whether others are being honest or not
- Tell the truth when you make a mistake
April – Co-operation
- Stay with the group and offer to help
- Ask for help from your friends when you need it
- If someone asks you for help, say “Yes!’
May – Integrity
- Use kind words with people, even if you don’t like them
- Don’t accept a gift if it is stolen from someone else
- Say sorry if you make a mistake that hurts someone
June – Perseverance
- Decide how long you will work, and stick with it!
- If something doesn’t work, try again at least one more time
- If something doesn’t work, suggest another way to get it done
From Values to Action
All of these items are teachable. There are so many ways to get there, but the easiest way to start is to
- pick a value
- live it out, and discuss it with your children
- find little ways to help them take the first steps
- point out those moments, and celebrate!
To recap:
Please send me all your thoughts on this topic! I’d love to hear from you.