Let’s talk about oppositional and defiant behaviour. What does it look like? Well, here are some words that people use to describe this type of behaviour: 
As you can see from this list, oppositional and defiant behaviour goes beyond the usual complaining or resisting that’s inevitable in everyday life. It can be damaging to relationships, and stressful for every member of the family. It can get worse over time and lead to riskier behaviour. Fortunately, help is available!
Most children have oppositional and defiant behaviour from time to time, so whether your child has a diagnosis or not, every parent will have to decide how to respond, and find something that works.
If you’re concerned that your child meets the criteria for a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, see your family doctor or psychologist. To learn more about how a psychologist would make this diagnosis, you can read this on at the Mayo Clinic website. (If you need a great psychologist in the Greater Toronto Area, send me a note, and I can hook you up!)
The most commonly recommended treatment for oppositional defiant disorder is parent training.
What is parent training for Oppositional Defiant behavior?
When I meet families struggling with oppositional defiant behaviour, they often tell me that they have tried a whole list of behavioural tips and tricks, but the usual suggestions just don’t work. Especially for children who have a developmental disability, a mood disorder, or a neurological difference (including autism, attention deficit disorder or giftedness), there isn’t a one-size-fits all solution.
These families need more than just
- simple reward and punishment strategies
- enforced time-outs
- more intense punishments
- reminders and warnings
Advanced help for Oppositional Defiant behaviour
Parent training can help families to
- spot the situations where oppositional behaviour tends to happen the most
- side-step power struggles
- find more moments for connection and love in the day
- keep relatively calm when emotional storms start raging
- learn the type of requests that get more cooperation
- teach and model self-control
- keep consistent so the problem behaviour doesn’t pay off
- find ways to safely cool down the situation when oppositional behaviour starts ramping up
- replace destructive patterns
- build positive relationships
If you are dealing with oppositional and defiant behaviour at home, you have probably heard unhelpful remarks from friends, family or even teachers. You may feel like you can’t take your family where you want to go, or just enjoy a day together. You may feel exhausted, discouraged, worried and ashamed.
Oppositional and defiant behaviour can be caused by so many different factors, so if you are experiencing behaviour problems that are pushing you beyond your limits, don’t be afraid to get help.
On this blog:
First, since you’re here, I have written a few articles on challenging behaviour, so you’re welcome to explore!
- Just Say OK!: A quick, positive and pro-active way to help kids who are in the habit of saying NO.
- Assessing Challenging Behaviour: Not a simple behaviour strategy, but a way to start analyzing and understanding difficult behaviour on a deeper level.
- Discovering the WHY of Challenging Behaviour: Explore some common forms of motivation (note: when it comes to Oppositional Defiant behaviour, sometimes the conflict itself can be part of the motivation, but parent training can help with that too.)
Useful books:
The Explosive Child, by Dr. Ross Greene is a compassionate and helpful guide to understanding challenging behaviour. Dr. Greene shows that “children do well when they can” and encourages parents to view challenging behaviour in terms of a missing skill set.
The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child, by Dr. Alan Kazdin is written by a psychologist with an amazing background in behavioural research. He helps parents to defuse confrontation and boost positive behaviour when it happens.
1-1 help
If you need immediate help, and you want to work with someone who can help you find solutions to your most pressing behaviour problems, I’d be more than happy to talk with you. Here’s where you can book a free call: https://ameliabehaviour.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php
Group training
According to some research, group training for parents can be even more effective than individual therapy. It’s also very cost-effective. If you would like to join a waitlist for my upcoming group, please send me a note, and I’ll make sure you can join at an earlybird discount!